Author’s Notes: Please remember this is fiction and therefore I can make stuff up about the BSB’s past. Some people forget that when they read and get all down on the author’s case.

Refuse :}

Disclaimer: I do not know, own, or are affiliated with the Backstreet Boys. Don’t sue! It’s for entertainment purposes only!

Somewhere In Between


By: Refuse-2-Lose

“Shelly!! Hey, girl!” smiled AJ, looping a brotherly arm about the dark haired young woman and steering her away from his hotel’s door and to the sidewalk. He looked up at the starry night sky briefly before fixing his shining brown eyes on the girl walking beside him, “What’re you doin’ here? Aw, hell. Never mind why yer here. What you been up to? I haven’t heard from ya in ages!”

A crooked grin turned her lips as she elbowed him in the ribs, keeping her head down, “Ages? C’mon. It’s only been, what? A month?”

AJ frowned as he rubbed his newly bruised ribs with a wince, “You been workin’ out in that month, girl?”

She laughed, but her eyes still didn’t meet his, “Yer too easy, Alex. I whipped yer butt when you were six and I can do it again!”

AJ chuckled, shaking his head. She was the only person besides his mother that he let call him Alex, “Whatever you say, Shelly baby.”

He smirked at the gasp that came from her at the endearment, her elbow finding his ribs again. AJ just grinned. Shelly would always be his baby. Baby sister, that is. She was just like family to him, as they had practically grown up together. Shelly had moved into his neighborhood when he was six and they had quickly become friends, being the only young kids on the block. Then, when AJ had turned twelve, his mother had thought he was old enough to know about his twin sister, who had died at birth. Shelly then became more than just a friend, she managed to fill the place his sister would have had in his heart. AJ did have a special, hidden place for his lost sister, that was a given. Shelly just had this way of lifting him up inside with her presence, whether she knew it or not.

AJ had been away from his home a lot more often in those next few years after his twelfth birthday, as he went with more frequency than when he’d been younger to one talent competition to another, or auditioned for whatever he had interest in. Shelly had always been there when he came home, though. Besides his mom and grandparents, she was the only other constant in his life.

Before he joined up with Howie and Nick, then Kevin and Brian to form the Backstreet Boys, he had spent his every free moment hanging out with her. Shelly was just so full of life, always moving and involved in one thing or another. AJ felt warmth spreading through his chest with the memories, his eyes far away.

Shelly kicked at a rock, her green eyes following it as it skittered ahead of them on the rough cement of the sidewalk. AJ came back to the present and gave her shoulders a squeeze, “So, what brings ya here? Last I heard you were startin’ a brand new job in Missouri, then what do I see walkin’ up to my hotel, but you. That’s across the country practically. I knew you were gonna visit me on one of the stops of the tour, but I didn’t expect you to come way out here, and I know how much you like to travel.”

Shelly shook her head, her face remaining obscured from him by the night shadows and her long hair, “I hate flyin’. I’m sorry, but a big metal tube was not meant to fly. That is why I drove my car.”

AJ laughed, “I ain’t too fond of flyin’ either, but I guess you get kinda used to it. Now, you didn’t answer my question. What are ya doin’ here in L.A.?”

Shelly looked around at the barren night streets, save the occasional late night traffic, “Real nice town, this L.A. Maybe I should come here more often, eh? I really like the ocean and the beach at night is just-”

“Shelly,” AJ frowned at her.

She sighed, face downcast in the moon’s glow. AJ waited, knowing she’d talk to him when she needed to. After a minute of silence, she sighed and stopped walking. She motioned to the apartment building steps behind them and they sat. Shelly played with the material of her jeans, “The job didn’t exactly work out, and... Race and I broke up.”

“What?” asked AJ, genuinely shocked. “But... you were engaged. What happened?”

Shelly didn’t look at him, “Let’s just say, I don’t take it when the going gets tough.”

Confused, AJ searched what he could see of her face, “What do you mean, ‘Going gets tough’?”

Shelly sighed and looked fully at AJ, tucking her thick long hair behind her ear. AJ gasped and hesitantly reached a hand out to her face, his fingers brushing the bruising on her cheek, “He... he hit you?”

She winced, looking away quickly while nodding her head. She jumped at AJ’s shout.

“That bastard!” AJ fumed. How could someone, anyone, hit Shelly? She wouldn’t hurt a fly, yet someone--her future husband--had hit her. “Why I oughta- No one treats you like that! Ooh, if I ever see that asshole again...” AJ made a fist and shook it slightly.

Shelly reached out and grasped AJ’s fist with both hands, her green eyes pleading up into his face. AJ froze. He’d never seen that expression on her face before, “No, Alex. Don’t. I loved Race...” She blinked, her eyes looking past him for a moment, “I still do, but I couldn’t take it anymore. I shoulda left a long time ago, but... I thought he’d change. Only... he didn’t. I’m such a fool.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” soothed AJ quietly, his anger quickly abating as she looked away from him. He reached out and turned her face back to him, his heart falling at the tear sliding down her face. “You are not a fool, Shelly. Hell, he’s the fool for ruining what he had with you. He doesn’t know what he threw away.”

Smiling slightly, Shelly leaned forward and hugged him, her eyes closing as she held tight, “Have I ever told you what a great big brother you are?”

Leaning back, AJ chuckled and playfully cuffed her on the shoulder, speaking in his John Wayne imitation, “Just doin’ my job, little lady.”

This forced a laugh from her as she wiped the tears from her eyes, which now twinkled the bright green AJ remembered, “Yer John Wayne needs a little work, Alex, but... thanks.”

“Hey, it’s what I’m here for, Shelly baby,” AJ smiled, then winced as she elbowed him hard in the ribs once again, “Ow! Jeez, ya think ya’d get used to that name by now.”

“I ain’t no baby, Alex,” she protested, though without any real anger, “Heck, I’m only two years younger than you and, last time I checked, you were twenty-four.”

“I don’t care,” AJ maintained, “You’re still younger than me, so... there.”

Shelly laughed, “You never were any good at arguing.” She then paused and stared at him for a moment, “I’m glad I came to see you, Alex. I was hopin’... well, could ya stand me hangin’ around you for awhile?”

AJ’s face lit up, “Hell yeah! We’re gonna be here until the day after tomorrow, so we got two days to waste away. Well, except for the concert we have our last night.” He paused and studied her, “You’re gonna be okay though, aren’t ya? I mean, with Race and...”

“Why do you think I came to see you?” she asked with a sad smile, “I need to be with my best friend for a while. You’re just what the doctor ordered.”

“Aw,” cooed AJ, pressing a hand to his chest, “That’s just so touching!”

“Shut up,” she smiled, enjoying the presence of the only big brother she was fortunate to have. Well, to her he was her big brother. He had never let her down when she had needed him. She looked up at the black sky and then at her watch, “Well, it’s gettin’ late. I guess we should split ‘til tomorrow.”

AJ frowned, disappointed, “Can’t you stay a bit longer?”

“Alex,” she chided, “I need to get some sleep. I have some serious jet lag. Your time is 12:14 a.m., but I’m still used to it being 3:14 a.m. Besides, I’ll see you tomorrow, big brother.”

AJ relented, warming at the endearment she dubbed him. He stood and then reached down to pull her to her feet, “I’ll be expecting to see your ugly mug bright and early, young lady.”

She smirked, “Yes sir, mentioned ugly mug will be at your door bright and early tomorrow morning.”

He chuckled, “Good. I’ll tell the others. They’ll be psyched to see ya again.” AJ almost mentioned Nick, but stopped himself. He knew Shelly had always had a bit of a soft spot for the blond, but he didn’t want to bring it up so soon after her and Race.

Shelly seemed to read his thoughts as they started to walk back to the hotel, asking with a smile, “Is Nick still keepin’ you guys on yer toes?”

AJ smiled at her, “He never takes a break. Hell, just yesterday he got Howie with the shaving cream in his shoes bit. It was Howie’s suede leather loafers, too.”

Shelly burst out laughing, picturing the look on Howie’s face, “God, I wish I coulda seen that!”

“Well,” toned AJ, “Just picture ‘D chasin’ Nick around the hotel halls waving a shoe, shavin’ cream flyin’ all over the place.”

Shelly leaned against AJ as they stumbled along, AJ joining her in laughter. They slowed their walk as they arrived at the hotel. Shelly stopped, “Well, my car’s just around the corner. So, I guess I’ll be seein’ ya, Alex.”

“Hey,” AJ argued, “I can walk around a corner, Shelly. C’mon, I’ll walk ya to yer car.”

Shelly sighed in exasperation as they walked to the corner, but she also beamed at the protectiveness he had for her. It made her feel safe, secure. She had lost that after her time with Race, AJ was just the one to give it back to her. Shelly smiled up at him as they turned the corner, she didn’t know what she’d do without her big brother.

Shelly stopped, a red Monte Carlo parked at her side, “Well, we’re here.”

AJ eyed the car, one eyebrow quirked, “New car?”

She looked at the vehicle, “Yeah. I traded in my old Lumina and am almost done with payments on this one.”

They stood for a moment, not sure what to do or say. It was weird, because they never had trouble saying good-bye before. Plus, they were going to see each other the next day, but... it was somehow different this time.

Shelly sighed, then grinned at AJ, “Aw, hell. C’mere.”

AJ’s face brightened and he wrapped his arms around Shelly in a tight hug, lifting her from the sidewalk as her arms circled his neck. Shelly shut her eyes and savored the moment, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Alex. Stay out of trouble ‘til then and remember I love ya, big brother.”

AJ smiled and leaned his head against hers, “I love you too, Shelly baby. You be careful, ya hear?”

As AJ released her, she gave him a halfhearted fist in his ribs at the nickname, “I’ll be fine, Alex. And well, I guess technically it’s already tomorrow, so I’ll see ya later today.” She fished her car keys from her pocket and unlocked her car, opening the door and then looking back at AJ, “See ya, Alex and... thanks again.”

“Hey, no problem,” nodded AJ, “I’m here for ya, you know that. You drive careful now, okay?”

“I will,” she paused, frowning slightly. She shook her head and smiled back at AJ, “’Bye, Alex.”

She got in her car as AJ said, “Good-bye, Shelly.”

They waved to each other as she pulled away. With a sigh, AJ watched her until she turned the corner and then began to walk back to the hotel. He couldn’t wait until later that day. He felt almost giddy in anticipation of the time he would be spending with his best friend.

AJ chuckled as he turned the corner, shaking his head. He thought he needed the time with her just as much as she seemed to need it with him. It would be just like old times.

A smile on his face and contentment in his heart, AJ was about to push open the hotel doors when a sickening distant screech and crash reached his ears.

AJ froze with his hand pressed against the door. He watched his reflection in the glass as it paled, feeling a terrible sinking in his gut. He blinked and snapped his head back the way he came.

He swallowed, “Oh, God...” AJ stopped, shaking his head, “No, it’s not- It couldn’t be...”

AJ couldn’t deny the twisting in his chest, he ran away from the hotel doors. He slid around the corner and sprinted past the spot Shelly’s car had been a few minutes before. AJ’s terrified brown eyes stared in the direction Shelly had turned as he cut across the street and through an alley.

His chest heaving in gasps of oxygen, AJ burst from the alley and lurched to a stop. He stopped breathing at the horror before him, at the twisted metal of two cars in the middle of the intersection. AJ’s eyes wouldn’t leave the mangled red car.

AJ remembered to breath and gasped, stumbling forward in shock, “Oh, God... No... ...SHELLY!!”

His face twisted in anguish as he slowly approached the smashed car, tears beginning to slide down his face, “No...” He practically fell against the totaled driver’s side door, the window shattered.

“Shelly,” AJ whispered, his hand shaking as he reached forward, but froze. Sobs choked him as he had to close his eyes, he couldn’t bare the sight of Shelly’s blank stare. The green eyes no longer held the brightness of life that he loved, “No, oh God... No... Shelly...”

AJ looked up at a sound and saw a few people hesitantly approaching, looking lost and not sure what to do. AJ shouted at them, his voice harsh with pain and remorse, “Somebody call 911!!”

AJ looked back at his baby sister as several people ran off, barely acknowledging as some of the people approached the other car and looked to be talking with whoever was inside. The streets and people around AJ disappeared, all that mattered was the young woman before him.

With a trembling hand, AJ reached forward and closed her eyes. Another sob hitched in his breath and he squeezed his eyes shut as he crouched at the car’s side. She was gone, his best friend, his baby sister... Shelly was gone.

“No!” AJ choked out, sobs consuming his form as he fell to the cold pavement and hugged his knees to his chest. He hid his face in his knees, his hands locking together at the back of his neck, “No... Shelly, no... Oh, God... ...Why?”

AJ stayed at Shelly’s side as the sound of sirens filled the night air. He heard the ambulances and police cars arrive. He felt the hand on his shoulder and the voice talking. He knew of all of this, but it didn’t matter to him. Nothing mattered to him, but the fact that his sister was gone... forever.

- -- -- † -- -- -

AJ stared at his hotel’s bedroom ceiling, his eyes blank as the moon’s glow bathed his face in a pale blue. He laid on his back, still in his clothes. I can’t be losing sleep over this. No, I can’t. AJ turned over, staring at the night sky. His eyes squinted and he pushed up from his bed, he began to walk back and forth before his balcony window. He hugged his arms about his chest, his eyes darting at the star filled sky. And now I cannot stop pacing... Give me a few hours, I’ll have all this sorted out. AJ raked his hands through his wild hair. If my mind would just stop racing.

‘Cause I cannot stand still. I can’t be this unsturdy. AJ stopped his pacing and propped his hands on the window’s glass, tears filling his eyes as he stared at the black night. This cannot be happening...

This is over my head, but underneath my feet. AJ leaned on one arm’s support as he made a tight fist with his other hand, his brown eyes shining in determination. Because by tomorrow morning I’ll have this thing beat, and everything will be back to the way that it was...

AJ shut his eyes, a single tear sliding down his pale cheek. I wish that it was just that easy...

AJ opened his eyes and looked up at the crescent moon, then he slid the balcony window open. He grasped the railing tightly and stared at the city below, silent tears tracking down his face from his mournful brown eyes. ‘Cause I am waiting for tonight, then waiting for tomorrow, and I’m somewhere in between what is real and just a dream.

Looking up to the heavens in askance, AJ tilted his head. Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in? He half smiled and chuckled sadly, picturing her smiling face. Don’t be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again... AJ’s face turned anguished as he returned his gaze back to the streets below. I don’t want to run away from this. I know that I just don’t need this...

‘Cause I cannot stand still. I can’t be this unsturdy. AJ pushed away from the railing, backing up until his back hit the glass door. He stared with red eyes as his knees slowly gave out and he slid down the glass. He drew his knees up and rested his elbows on their support as his hands gripped his hair, eyes squeezed shut. This cannot be happening...

AJ released one of his hands and pulled his wallet from his back pocket, flipping it open to stare at her precious face. He looked from the picture to the night sky. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

‘Cause I’m waiting for tonight... AJ craned his head around to look with hope at the door when he heard a knock. He stood and ran to the door, swinging it open to see Shelly. He reached out for her, but touched nothing. She faded away.

AJ opened his eyes and lifted his head from the glass door. He was still sitting on his balcony. He looked back at her picture ...then waiting for tomorrow, and I’m somewhere in between what is real and just a dream...

AJ caressed her image with his thumb, a sob hitching his breath. He stared at her likeness with tortured, angered, brown eyes. “I’ve lost you, Shelly baby,” he strained out, “because of some damn drunk, I lost you... God, I miss you, sis’...”

He suddenly slammed a fist against the floor, anger in his voice as he asked the stars above, “Why’d you have to come out here? Why? If you’d stayed away, you wouldn’t be...” AJ closed his eyes, his shoulders slumping, “It just happened so fast... I was just with you before you... Now you’re...” The anger returned, “Just because some asshole got into his car drunk, I no longer have my best friend, my baby sister!” He blinked his eyes and let hot tears fall anew, “Both of my sisters are now gone, taken from me. I’ll never have that again, no one can replace it.”

He looked up to the stars, seeing the shining green eyes full of life, “You will still have that place in my heart, Shelly. Always...”

...what is real and just a dream...



The End.


Song featured: Somewhere In Between
Sung by: Lifehouse
CD: No Name Face

******Drunk driving kills. Don’t let it happen. I hoped you liked the story.

Refuse :}******